i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize