I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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