Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
