All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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