hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
