The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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