She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
