I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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