My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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