I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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