Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
