but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
