all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
