In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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