I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
