someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
