And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
