I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
