too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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