My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
