Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
