remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
