you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
