I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
