Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
