Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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