I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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