yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
