Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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