those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
