I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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