I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
