I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
