Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
