I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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