Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
