there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
