I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
