He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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