dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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