Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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