We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
