I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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