Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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