You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize