Where is the hickey?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize