i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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