My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
