Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cannot find my penis.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
