Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
