never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
