Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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