Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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