Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize