Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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