You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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