my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
