pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and she was petting her beer can
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
