she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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