I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
