And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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