Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
