i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
