Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Found your dick twin last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
