Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
