i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
