wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
