Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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