i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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