Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
